


"Why can't I just let her DO this for me?!"

by Jewelfox



Series: A Pearl of my Own [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dominant Amethyst (Steven Universe), Dominant Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Space Rocks, Gem Fusion, Gem Sex, Light Dom/sub, Master/Pet, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Ownership, Petplay, Pole Dancing, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Puberty, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Role Reversal, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Sex, Sex Talk, Shower Sex, Submissive Pearl (Steven Universe), Submissive Peridot (Steven Universe), Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:26:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9326759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewelfox/pseuds/Jewelfox
Summary: Pearl gasped. When I looked up, she was holding one hand to her mouth, and the one that held her dishes was shaking. The teacup rattled and sloshed."Please," I begged her. "I wasn't ready for it when we fused, but I need it so badly right now. And I want it to be with you, Pearl. I'm scared of these feelings because I've never had them before, but I trust you. And if I have to go through this, then I'd like it if you would help me."---Pearl offers to fuse with Lapis, to show her what sexual pleasure feels like first-hand (so to speak). But it comes as a shock to the water Gem, who can no longer control when she's wet. Can Pearl and Amethyst help Lapis accept these new feelings of hers? Featuring five illustrations by Alias-Pseudonym, three of which are NSFW!





	1. Crystal Gem Can't Enjoy Her Shower

_Illustrations by[Alias-Pseudonym.](http://alias-pseudonym.tumblr.com)_

"You built a shower in the  _barn?"_  My Pearl looked all around, trying to find it.

"It's over here." I took her by the hand, smiling reassuringly, and led her to the wooden door where the aquarium glass used to be. "And Peridot did most of the work. We didn't get to test the water heater yet, so let me know if it's too hot or cold."

"But ... why?" Pearl scratched her head with her free hand. "We already have a perfectly usable shower back at the temple."

"No offence. But I'd rather do it out here in the hills, than back in the suburbs where someone might hear us outside the door."

"I've done it  _many times_  back at the temple," Pearl huffed. "You just have to be quick, so that Amethyst doesn't set the roof on fire while you aren't watching her."

"Are we talking about sex or showering?" I gave Pearl a confused look. "Because I thought you needed two people for sex."

"O-oh! Well, about that ... " Pearl blushed, and grinned awkwardly.

I grinned too. Pearl was  _so cute_  when she was nervous.

"It's okay," I told her, and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "We can talk about that later. For now, let's just do this for us."

Was it really for  _us,_  though? I wondered, as I opened the door and helped my Pearl inside. Pretending to own her was thrilling somehow, just like watching my favourite ship on  _Camp Pining Hearts._  Stroking her Gem while she did the same to mine, our bodies close and entwined with each other, felt like being loved and accepted completely. And fusing with her was so ... so ...

So memorable.

I wasn't sure how I felt about sex, though. It seemed like an awful lot of work, and the more I thought about it the more it just seemed like the people who did it were desperate. Was it really something they  _liked?_

* * *

"Well, we're here!"

My voice echoed, inside the silo I'd smashed into the side of the barn earlier. The barn had had a big hole in it already, and Peridot and I had thought an aquarium would be a fun morp. Putting the fish back where they came from, so we could turn this place into a shower instead, had taken me awhile. But I figured they wouldn't want to just stay in there forever.

Outside of roleplay, nobody likes feeling trapped.

"Um, Lapis, dear ... " Pearl was clinging to my arm, and looking down at the slanted metal floor like she was afraid she was stepping in something. "Isn't it a bit drafty?" Up near the ceiling, the breeze from outside whistled through the holes Peri had drilled for the water vapour to escape.

"It'll be fine! Peridot knows what she's doing." I gave Pearl's hand another squeeze, then went over to the valves for the shower head and tried to remember which ones to turn.

 _"I'm_  more worried about what  _Amethyst_  is doing to her right now," Pearl said, and folded her arms now that she wasn't holding onto me.

I pretended I didn't hear that, and used both hands to try to turn a stuck valve. "This might ... take a second ... " I could feel the water pressure inside the pipes just behind it, but I actually had to  _exert_  myself to twist the wheel for the valve to open. What happened to Earth machines being fragile and brittle? This had to be Peridot's doing.

"Lapis, wait! Let me help!" Pearl ran towards me. "This machinery is very-"

The valve SQUEAK-ed away the rest of that sentence, and then the shower head above me popped off as steaming hot water flooded the room. I was instantly drenched, my hair matted against my scalp and my clothes soaked and clinging to me.

Before I could process what'd happened, I felt a hand on my arm pull me out of the "shower." My feet sloshed through hot, ankle-deep water, and as I dried my face off with my powers I saw Pearl blushing and staring at me. Or maybe I should say, staring at certain  _parts_  of me.

I struck a pose for her, that I remembered from one of those sex morps. "Like what you see?" I asked.

"WHAT?" Pearl cupped her hand to her mouth, and tried to yell over the torrent of water.

I did the same. "I SAID, DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?"

I couldn't tell if she was blushing harder or not. "LAPIS," she yelled, "WE HAVE TO TURN THE WATER OFF!"

I glanced over at the hole where the shower head used to be, and made the downpour stop. There was just a flat, wobbling mass of water, filling the pipe. It creaked alarmingly, on the other side of the wall.

"O-okay. That's better. Now let me just seal that pipe off ... " Pearl waded towards the valve, and threw her whole skinny body into twisting it with both hands. It strained and creaked as she gritted her teeth, and pulled it as tight as she could.

I just smiled, and admired her attention to detail. Such dedication deserved a reward.

I shapechanged my clothes off and got ready for Pearl in seconds, just like I'd practiced. Then I waited for her to stop struggling and turn around.

"Okay, Lapis," she said, and looked up at the water I was holding still in the pipe. "I think I got it un-stuck. But if the hot water's not working, I don't see how we can- OH MY STARS!"

I waved and grinned slyly at her, from on top of a bed made of water. I had my legs spread out and my back bent like in this one morp that I saw, and I could feel my Gem straining to hold me like this but it had the effect that I wanted it to. Pearl's eyes had never been wider, and her cheeks had never been a deeper shade of blue.

I let go of the water inside the pipe, and what was left on this side of the valve splashed onto Pearl, soaking her clothes and her hair. She sputtered and jumped, and I dried her face off with a watery tentacle, my finger tracing its motions.

"Aren't you supposed to take your clothes off before showering?" I asked, my eyes half-lidded.

"Well, y-yes, but ... "

"Then you'd better do it, if you want to join me and my friends." I laid back with a lazy smile on my face, and wiggled the fingers on one hand in the air. Smooth tentacles sprouted all around me and the bed.

Pearl stared at them, too. "Y-yes, owner! Right away!" And a second later, we were facing each other naked.

I ... wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about that. Nervous? Excited? It honestly didn't feel any different. Our bodies and clothes were both made of the same light. How was this supposed to be sexier?

How could you tell what was "sexy," anyway?

Pearl seemed very small when she looked up at me, her hands clasped in front of her bare chest. "What would you like me to do for you, owner?" Her voice didn't quaver, but I could see her hands squeezing each other tight, and I could feel slimy lubricant start to slide down her legs and mix in with the water. I guessed that meant she was excited.

"I'm not sure yet. I kind of like these things, though," I said, and stuck my thumb out at the tentacles. "They're cute!" I brought one closer, and gave it a happy face as I patted it.

"Lapis, what I mean is ... do you want me to pleasure you?" Pearl said that last part in a hurry, her cheeks dark blue and her eyes filled with nervousness.

I let go of the tentacle, and its face vanished. "I guess?"

"B-because you're not ... you don't have ... " She pointed in between my legs.

I looked down and realized they were smooth. "Oh, right ... that's important, isn't it?" I forced a smile. It was such a basic thing to forget.

I stood up with my legs spread apart, and shapeshifted a vulva, vagina, and clitoris for her, the way that I'd practiced. I examined them carefully, afterwards, and spread my labia with both hands to make sure they were elastic enough. "Okay," I said, looking up at Pearl again once I was finished. "How's that? Good enough?"

She was blushing, and staring down at them. "They look very ... exquisite!"

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'" I grinned and hopped back onto the water bed, and the tentacles curled in the air around me. "So, Pearl ... " I laid back, and spread my legs invitingly. "Do you want to get wet? Or do you want to get  _wet?"_

The look on her face was just priceless. All she could do was stare, and blush, and stammer incoherently.

It was adorable! This "sex" thing was worth it, just for that.

Pearl finally managed to catch her breath, then gave me a sheepish look. "I should think that this Pearl would have to do whatever its owner wants."

"Then yes, your owner wants you to pleasure her." I grinned and spread my arms for her, and curled my fingers to wrap my tentacles around Pearl's arms gently and tug her closer to me.

"Should this Pearl use her hands or her tongue?" she asked, and stuck her tongue out so I could see it. It was an even deeper shade of blue than her cheeks.

I giggled. "I don't know. Whichever you like! Your tongue would be better at bathing me, though."

Pearl just nodded quickly, and got down on all fours in front of the bed made of water. It rippled to bring me up next to her, and I laid back just enough to expose myself to her, forming a pillow behind me.

I felt her wet, pointed tongue curl into my folds, and start to explore me.

I tried to stifle my laughter. But in a couple of seconds, I was giggling and snorting and kicking my legs to either side of her, trying to squirm and hold those parts still for her at the same time.

"Lapis!" Pearl stuck her head up over my abdomen. "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry, Pearl." I sat up and looked down at her, and tried to stop smiling when I saw how concerned she was. "It's just, your tongue tickles  _so much!_  Is it supposed to feel like that? Do humans like being tickled?"

The look of concern on Pearl's face turned to confusion. "I ... I don't understand. Are you sure that you've shapechanged them properly? This is meant to slake your sexual desire, not  _tickle_  you!"

"I'm not sure." My smile went away. "Can you look at them, and tell me if I got it right?"

My Pearl blushed so hard, it looked like she was wincing. But she examined my parts with her fingers and hands anyway, checking them inside and out and feeling at different places.

"How does this feel?" she asked, and rubbed her thumb on my clitoris.

I snorted. "Like having my foot tickled."

I felt her fingers bunched up deep in my vagina. "What about this?"

"I don't know. I guess I can feel you inside me?"

Pearl examined my face as she felt at me. I guess she didn't see what she was looking for, because her eyes looked sick with worry.

She pulled her hand out, and it was wet from the water inside of my body but not from sexual lubricant. I wasn't producing any. "Would rubbing that stuff on it help?" I asked, and pointed in between her legs.

Pearl blushed again, and squeezed her legs shut like it was a reflex. "Maybe? I don't know! This has never happened before!"

Pearl's reaction was starting to scare me. "Is this bad?" I asked. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"I don't know!" Pearl had started pacing in front of me. When she looked up, it looked like she was about to cry.

"We can still do other things, right?" I was scared that my Gem was still broken inside, but I wanted to reassure Pearl. "I can do it to you!"

"Lapis, you don't understand!" She held out her hands to me, pleading. "It is  _very important_  that I be able to pleasure my owner. Because if I don't ... " Pearl looked away, unable to finish that sentence.

I finished it for her. "You're afraid that I'll leave you, like Rose did."

Pearl just nodded and sniffled, hugging her arms to her sides.

"Pearl ... " The ice in my Gem melted, and I could feel my eyes start watering too. I tugged her arm gently with one of my tentacles, and she looked up at me, scared and confused.

I made myself smile reassuringly at her, and held my arms out to her.

Pearl practically jumped into them, knocking me on my back and clinging to me so hard that for a second, I thought I was chained to her again. She cried into my shoulder, tears trickling down and making ripples on the water bed, and I hugged and patted her awkwardly.

"Pearl, it's okay. I got all this ready because I love you, and I wanted to make this special for you." One of my tentacles started crawling up the inside of her smooth leg. "I'm okay with doing this just for you, if you want."

Pearl looked up at my face for a second, her expression blank. Then she shook her head. "No, Lapis. I can't lose myself in enjoyment when I'm worried about how you feel ... wondering what you're thinking ... " Her eyes started watering again.

I took a deep breath, remembering Stevonnie's training. There was a way to give Pearl what she wanted, and I wanted to do it for her. But it scared me.

"Lapis?" The worry was back on Pearl's face.

I let out my breath slowly. "If you want to show me what it's like, we could f-"

"No." Pearl shook her head, her eyes closed for a second. "Absolutely not! Out of the question."

That scared me even more. "Why?" I asked, and wriggled out partway from under her. "Was it that bad? Is it something you never want to do again?"

"Lapis, it was  _torture_  for you!" She was holding herself up on her hands and knees now, making room for me to slide out. "You even told me that it wasn't fun anymore!"

"Well, yeah ... but it was fun before that."

Pearl blushed, and her skinny elbows and knees shook a little. She looked away, like she was unsure of herself.

I was unsure of myself, too. I didn't know if I wanted this. But I remembered how it felt to be Moonstone ... for both of us. The sheer awe that Pearl felt towards me. The look on her face when I made her  _my_  Pearl.

Maybe that was the key. "Pearl, we're pretending I own you. Right?"

"Yes, owner." She gave me a shy look, like she wasn't sure she was still allowed to call me that.

"In that case, I order you to fuse with me." The water inside my Gem flash-boiled with anxiety, and I laid back down on the bed to cool it down. I tried to look casual and confident.

Pearl blushed hard, and I could feel more sexual lubricant slide down her thighs. Her voice became sultry. "Well. I suppose I have to, if my owner insists ... "

She rolled and hopped down off the bed gracefully, landing on her toes on the water. I made it splash back down into the floor once she'd done that, and then I got up and stood on the water as well.

Now  _my_  knees were unsteady. I could feel my body turn lighter and softer, in anticipation. My Gem felt like it was burning a hole in my back. Was this really what I wanted? Was I really about to do this?

Somehow, the idea of dancing with Pearl seemed scarier than actually fusing with her.

She waltzed over to one of my tentacles and ran her hand over it gracefully, before taking it gently by the tip as though she were choosing a dance partner. What was she doing? I played along, moving it across the floor with her and out to the middle of the silo.

Once she got there, Pearl balanced herself on one foot and held her other leg out parallel with the floor, before spreading her arms vertically as though she were straightening the tentacle out. I made it tall and rigid for her, and she stood back up and tested it for stability.

Then she made love to it.

I don't know how else to describe what she did. Once I'd turned my tentacle into a pole she spun around it while keeping her core pressed up close. Her legs spun in the air while she caressed it upside-down; she righted herself and climbed up as she twirled, locking her knees in place halfway up and grinding her hips around it.

She gave me a half-lidded smile, and held out one hand.

I took another deep breath, and remembered the basics of how to do this. Pearl was taking the lead, so I needed to follow her, in a way that made the dance mine and ours.

I held my arms high over my head, and summoned my wings as I spread them. Then I glided towards Pearl, my feet barely touching the water's surface, leaving a trail of ice in their wake. I jumped and spun in the air -- once, twice, three times -- before raising my hand to catch Pearl's as I skated in circles around her.

Her hand felt so airy and permeable, like there was only a thin film between us.

She twirled on the pole, her slick hips sliding across it, and gave my hand a tug upwards to let me know what was coming. Then she pulled, and I flapped my wings hard to jump ...

... spun around in midair ...

... and landed on top of the pole with one foot, holding my arms and wings out and wobbling as I tried to keep my balance.

Her knees locked in place just below me, Pearl stretched out like she was laying down flat in midair, facing upward. She spread her arms wide, grinning eagerly at me.

It was as easy as falling.

It felt like melting into a pool of water.

For a few seconds, everything was a warm, glowing blur. I was enveloped by Pearl, inside her, around her, feeling every part of her as she did the same to me.

And then ...

_And then ..._

* * *

**And then I made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE!**

I scrambled backwards through water on my hands and feet, as the tentacles splashed down around me. Everything had felt blissful and otherworldly, but now there was  _something_  attacking my body and I was trying to get away from it!

I backed up all the way into the wall, then wormed my way into standing up, trying to keep from grinding the Gem on my back into it. What if this  _thing_  clawed at Lapis?  _What was it?!?!_

Seeing nothing beneath me but water, I reached down to feel in between my legs and-

Oh.

_Oh._

So that was ... this is what it ... oh,  _Pearl ..._

I slid my finger across the slick folds, and the nub just above them. Feeling a potent mixture of fear, excitement, and lust as I stared down at my tall, ample body. Feeling my hot juices coat my finger, and wanting nothing more than to taste it.

I shivered, and barely held back from doing so. These feelings made no sense, and yet they made perfect sense at the same time. As I tried to decipher their mysteries my utmost parts quivered and burned, and longed for a lover's caress.

Hesitant, I reached back down ...

... my arm shaking ...

... and then I-

"NO!"

* * *

I shot up from where Moonstone had been, slamming my Gem and the back of my head into the wall. Pearl went flying across the floor, and rolled to a stop on the water's surface, as I landed back down in a heap. Splashing the water like I'd just cannonballed.

Pearl didn't care. "Lapis?" she asked, her voice shaking. "What's wrong?"

I realized I was wearing my clothes again.

Pearl shifted hers on, as she walked over unsteadily and held out her hand to help me back up. I took it without thinking, and then recoiled.

Both of our hands were still sticky.

I washed mine off hurriedly, reaching down and swishing it in the water. Trying desperately to get this stuff off of me.

Pearl said nothing, and looked how I felt.

"I ... I'm sorry." I stood up and faced her, but I couldn't meet her gaze. "I couldn't ... I didn't ... "

Pearl ran out, her feet splashing through the water as tears streamed and flew down her face.

I flopped on my back on the soft, spongy water, and lost all of my will to live.  _What's wrong with me?_  I asked myself.  _What about that was so scary? Why couldn't I just let her DO this for me?!_

I took deep breaths, trying to relax, trying not to feel alone, and trying hard not to cry. The inside of my legs still burned horribly, and I reached down to knead and massage them ...

... and gasped.


	2. Lapis Can't Enjoy Her Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis takes several cold showers, before Amethyst teaches her what these new feelings of hers are for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for dubcon / noncon in the first part of this chapter, not because Lapis is being sexually assaulted but because she is effectively an assault survivor. Being aroused feels like an attack on her person, and she tries and fails to stop herself from having these feelings she doesn't want.
> 
> If you aren't sure that you would be comfortable reading that part, use your browser's Find On Page feature -- Cmd-F on a Mac or Ctrl-F on a PC -- to skip to the word "Enceladus." You can also click through to the next chapter, although you'll miss out on some Amedot fluff.

I stared up at the vents in the ceiling, taking deep breaths and trying to process what had just happened.

This wasn't anything like fusion. This had  _interrupted_  our fusion. It'd turned it from something beautiful and intimate into a desperate craving, so intense that I'd thought I was being attacked. And the worst part was, I was feeling that craving  _right now._

But what was I desperate for?

As soon as I asked myself that, I remembered Pearl's dance. Her naked body intertwined with the pole, her twirling legs showing off everything in between them, and her sultry smile as she invited me to join her. I remembered it clearly, over and over again, and without even thinking about it I started imagining what I wanted to do with Pearl.

And the pole.

And my tentacles.

 _What's gotten INTO me?_  I asked myself. But the real question was, what did I want to  _put_  into me? And I blushed hard, as my imagination gave me the answers.

Everything, from the sex morps to the "fan fiction" and even my own body, had just taken on another layer of meaning. To the point where just looking down at my clothed chest and bare midriff made me squirm. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to, but it did.

The weirdest part was, it was like my Gem wasn't even  _there._  It's like my body was all that mattered, even though it wasn't me. I guess those shapeshifted parts just weren't interested? Although for some reason I started imagining licking Pearl's Gem all over, and kissing it and trying to fit the whole thing in my mouth, and I don't even know why.

That part was weird, but I guessed that it wasn't so bad.

What was terrifying was that my own  _thoughts_  were being affected by this. I was seeing things that hadn't been there before, and wanting things without knowing why. What would happen if I tried to  _get_  those things? What if something I asked for upset Pearl? And what ...

What would it do to  _me?_

 _Only one way to find out,_  I thought. But then,  _No. No, this isn't me. This isn't LIKE me. I don't WANT to be feeling this way! I want to just go back to normal!_

My hand had already slipped inside of my skirt. The watery bed I was laying on was soft and warm, and I was leaking hot liquid into it.

 _No,_  I thought.

My thumb reached inside my skirt's inner layer.

 _NO,_  I thought, but I didn't dare move. I couldn't.

I rubbed my clitoris, and took in a deep, shuddering gasp. That had  _done something_  to me. Something sharp and intense, a stab of pleasure so strong that it shocked me senseless.

_please no_

I tried to control my breathing, as my hand started exploring my folds on its own. I gritted my teeth against feelings so strong I could hardly bear them. It felt like I was completely detached from my body, and was just watching what happened to it.

 _I have been taken over,_  I thought, as my walls clenched around my moist, wiggling fingers.  _I'm being mind-controlled. I'm fused with a Gem who is making me do this. This isn't me, this isn't my fault, I can't control this, I-_

I realized that I was imagining Jasper.

A watery fist grabbed my hand, turned into a chain, and yanked it backwards. I stood up and glared at my hand, and if it wouldn't have poofed me I would have severed it right there.

My body and mind had betrayed me. But I'd spent  _months_  fighting a rebellious body and mind, and I hadn't punched Jasper into the clouds for her to come back to me like this!

I was stronger than her!

There was only one thing to do, then. I had to shapeshift back, so that she couldn't do this to me. So that  _no one_  could do this to me, ever again.

I let the chain splash back into the water. Then I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and started forcing my way back to normal.

I got partway there before I gasped, and doubled over like I had been punched in the gut. Hot liquid soaked the inside of my skirt.

 _No no no,_  I thought to myself.  _This isn't happening. This CAN'T be happening. Shifting back can't just be making it worse!_

I tried again, more carefully this time, gritting my teeth against the burning feeling inside me. I got as far as I could before screaming, pulling back right on the edge of something piercing and white-hot that threatened to take over completely.

"This ... is ... NOT ... okay," I breathed at the shower walls. I had to undo all these changes, to keep from losing control. But if I so much as  _tried_  to undo them, I'd lose control in the process.

What did humans do to keep this from happening? Surely they didn't live their whole lives like this!

Then I remembered the answer. And so I gathered up all of the water around me into a giant ball, and chilled it until it formed a thin outer layer of ice.

Then I smashed it right over my head.

* * *

Why did water have to turn into a solid at that temperature? My "cold shower" was  _not_  cold enough, and I still felt like a wreck afterwards.

Maybe I'd grab an ice asteroid next time. Or one of Earth's polar caps. Or Enceladus. That was the moon that was made of ice water, right?

I stepped outside the barn to wring my clothes and hair dry, just in time to see the Warp pad flash in the twilight. I paused long enough to hear Amedot -- I mean, Amethyst and Peridot! -- laughing and talking loudly.

"I mean it!" Amethyst rasped. "You were great! You're snuggly and communicative, and you're not shy about what you want."

"Oh,  _please."_  I imagined Peridot smiling and waving dismissively. "It was only because of your encouragement that I was able to express my needs in the first place!"

"Who's my sexy li'l kitten ~ "

"Nya!"

As they came into view, I saw that Peridot had on cat ears and some kind of harness, and Amethyst was holding her leash.

I stared for a couple of seconds. Then I blushed, very hard.

"Lapis is probably back at the barn by now," Peridot said, much more quietly. "Do you think we should put all these  _things_  away?"

"Huh? Oh, sure!"

 _Why are they doing that for me?_  I asked myself.  _How did they know it would make me uncomfortable? Did Pearl tell them what happened?!_

"Oh hey, there she is!" Amethyst waved to me. "Hey, Lapis! Your roommate's ba-"

But I had already taken off, covering my ears and flapping my wings as hard as I could.  _Nope nope nope nope NOPE NOPE NOPE ..._

* * *

Trying to move Enceladus turned out to be a bad idea. I had to hide in the plume of its cryovolcanoes when a giant Red Eye spotted me. Fortunately, their icy spray was just the right temperature.

Anyway, I waited until Saturn was in between me and the Eye. Then I grabbed a chunk of ice from its moon's surface to use as my reentry shield, and landed right next to the barn in a sizzling cloud of steam.

I stretched my arms over my head, casting long shadows in the early morning sunlight, and popped all my knuckles. That was the most refreshing shower I'd had in ... well, my whole life. I couldn't even feel the pressure inside of me anymore, and the parts in between my legs had gone numb.

 _I wonder what Peridot's up to?_  I thought. Then I heard her snoring, up in the barn's loft, and I grinned.

I went inside and walked up the stairs to check on her quietly, trying not to wake her. But when I got to where I could see her laying on the couch, I froze.

She was curled up next to Amethyst, sleeping contentedly, and still wearing her cat ears and harness. And nothing else.

Amethyst was fully-dressed, for some reason. She smiled and waved to me, lazily.

I barely noticed. I was too busy staring, and imagining holding Peridot to me like that. And how I would stroke her, and where I would touch her, and  _oh my STARS_  I was  _not_ having these thoughts about Peridot!

Amethyst got up, and I turned to leave, blushing incredibly hard and staring down at the floor.

"Hey," Amethyst whispered.

I stopped.

"You got a minute?"

She didn't seem mad. I guessed that talking to her would distract me. I nodded without looking up, and then went back down the stairs and out the barn entrance as quietly as I'd come in. I could barely hear Amethyst following me.

I waited until I was around the corner from the entrance, before folding my arms under my ... my chest. And looking away from both it and Amethyst's.

"She's cute, ain't she?" Amethyst whispered.

I blushed again. "How did you know I was-"

"Not her. Pearl!"

"What?" I jumped, and stared down at Amethyst. "What did she tell you?"

"She doesn't tell me anything, dude. I hafta tease her to get it out of her. But she and Peri both think you're a really cool Gem! So I figured, why not get to know ya?" She grinned up at me.

I looked down at her blankly. "Besides the fact that I tried to murder you?"

"It's cool! You were just tryin' to get home. Besides, if you're okay with P, you're okay with me." She winked at me and gave me a thumbs-up.

" ... okay, then. I guess." I looked back down at the grass. Being reminded of that hadn't improved my mood any.

"So like I was saying, since we're family now we should bond over shared interests, right? Like Pearl. And our favourite  _parts_  of Pearl."

"M-my favourite  _what?!"_  I stared down at her again, nervous, but she didn't sound upset or jealous. Maybe a bit sly, though.

"You know! Like how she does that thing with her nose?" Amethyst shapeshifted her nose into a purple copy of Pearl's.

"What thing?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Ohh, I see. Well, if she hasn't done it for you yet, I'm not gonna spoil the surprise." Amethyst changed her nose back. "So what  _have_  you guys been up to? If you're cool with talking about it."

"Mostly talking." I looked down at the ground again. "And crying. And doing things that make her cry." My voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." Amethyst held one hand up to her ear. "It sounded like you said you made her cry?"

I sighed. "Yes." My Gem felt like it was full of the freezing vapour I'd been sprayed with a few hours ago.

To my surprise, Amethyst  _smiled_  at me, like we were in on a shared secret. "Did you use the whips?"

"What? No! Amethyst, I was  _awful_  to her. She wanted to do this for me so badly, but I got scared and I couldn't let her! We fused and everything, and I still couldn't do it." It was surprising how quickly the words all came out.

"Aw, man. I'm sorry that happened." Amethyst came over and put her hand on my arm, and it was much warmer than Pearl's. "Didya tell her that you were uncomfortable?"

"I ... no. I didn't." I had to think about that for a second.

"Dude, you  _hafta_  tell her. She's not crying 'cause you didn't want to  _do_  something with her, she thinks you don't  _like_  her anymore!"

"I know!" I gestured with my other hand, frustrated. "I just ... I'm scared. I've never had sexual feelings for anyone, or anything, before. I don't know how to handle them. I'm scared of what they're doing to me, and I ... I feel trapped."

"That's got to be pretty bad for you, huh?"

I thought of the mirror, and Malachite, and the first time I formed Moonstone with Pearl. "Yeah. It is."

She let go of my arm, and I turned to look down at her. "Wanna know what  _I_  do, when I have the hots for someone so bad I can't stand it?" she asked.

"I ... I guess?" I blushed.

"Okay. First, come on down here with me." She gestured to the ground.

I hesitated for a second, before getting down on my knees and facing Amethyst. "Okay ... "

I managed to keep from staring at her enormous, round breasts. I wasn't sure where this was going, but I couldn't get them off my mind.

"Perfect! Now, open your mouth and close your eyes."

"W-why?"

"You'll see!" Amethyst grinned at me.

I realized that I  _wanted_  this to lead someplace sexual. But I didn't  _know_  that it would, so that give me enough wiggle room to do what she asked. Maybe this was some weird thing she ate! Maybe it was some kind of technique. Maybe it-

Amethyst kissed me.

I kissed her back hard without thinking about it, feeling the curve of her lips with my tongue and squeezing her to me like I'd never been held before. Squishing our breasts up against each other. A warm pressure built up inside of me, and I thought  _This is it. This is how it's going to happen. She's going to ... and I'm ..._

I felt something pointy and soft press into my cheek. I opened my eyes, and saw that she'd shapeshifted her face into Pearl's.

"AAAAAHHHH!" I jumped backwards and scrambled away on my hands and feet, while Amethyst doubled over with laughter and changed her face back.

"Oh man, that was great!" She looked up at me. "You're soooo thirsty for her, an' you don't even realize it!"

"I'm  _what?"_  I never did look up that word.

"Listen." She walked closer to me, but stopped when I scooted away. "Those feelings are  _there_  so you know who you wanna be with. Sometimes it's someone you can't stand," and she stuck her hip out at that, "but that's something you learn as you go! An' right now, you need to go after Pearl.  _Trust_  me."

"What is she going to do to me?" I stared up at Amethyst, terrified. "What are these  _feelings_  going to do to me?!"

"Well, let's see." Amethyst put one hand to her chin, and ticked things off on her other hand. "She's probably gonna say 'sorry' a bunch of times, offer to make you some tea, talk to you for an hour ... "

"And then?"

"And then she's gonna have sex with you. And it'll be nice, and gentle, and slow, 'cause she knows it's your first time and you're scared."

I blinked. "It will? But I thought sex was like ... like when you and Peridot just ran into your room and went at it?"

"Nah, man." Amethyst waved her hand at me like she was  _so_  done with that. "I like teasing her, sure. But you bet I knew she was scared. That's why I was extra-careful, and didn't do any weird stuff unless she asked for it. She set the pace, and I went with the flow." She held one hand out flat, and moved it to an invisible current.

"That ... maybe doesn't sound so bad?"

My voice and my knees were both shaking. I tried to stand up, and Amethyst came over and helped me. Her grip was much stronger than Pearl's.

I suddenly felt very foolish. "I'm sorry ... " I looked away from her. "I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm just scared of losing control."

"Why?" She squeezed my hand gently. "Losing control is  _fun!_  Especially when you've got your face and your sticky parts pressed into someone you love."

That almost made me lose it, right there. I pulled away from Amethyst, and hugged my arms to my sides.

"I'll talk to her," I finally said.

"Okay, and?"

I sighed. "I'll see if she wants to have sex with me."

"Attagirl, Lapis." She gave me a thumbs-up. "Have fun!"

She sounded so upbeat, like we'd just been talking about our favourite books. My angst and depression had bounced off of her. Was Amethyst always like this? I gave her a wry, "I'm onto you" smirk, and blew her a raspberry before taking off.

Amethyst blew one right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASTRONOMY NOTE: The combined mass of Earth's oceans is roughly ten times the mass of Enceladus. In other words, after building that tower in Ocean Gem, Saturn's sixth largest moon is just a big snowball to Lapis.
> 
> The kind that has a rock in it.
> 
> I'm not astrosexual, what are you talking about? I just like seeing blue giants go all the way into white holes.


	3. Pearl Can't Enjoy Her Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis realizes she wants what she needs, and Pearl is happy to provide it for her.

Pearl was walking back from the kitchen to the couch when I warped back in. She was almost a silhouette in the sunrise, wearing a light blue bathrobe with her hair in a towel. She had a teacup and saucer in hand, with steam wafting up from the tea. But when she saw me, she gasped, and dropped them.

I held out my hand, and the tea caught her dishes as they turned upside-down.

"Oh! Th-thank you, Lapis ... " Pearl kept her eyes on me as she picked up her dishes, and I refilled her cup. "What brings you here?"

"Um-"

"Are you okay? Would you like some tea?" Pearl just kept going, her knees shaking a little. "It's chamomile, so it should be good for frayed nerves." She gave a nervous laugh.

"Okay-"

"I'm  _very_  sorry for agreeing to fuse," she went on, as I walked up to her cautiously. "I just  _knew_  that it would go badly for you. Really, I should have known better than to do that again! Because I take everything so  _seriously,_  even sex, and you must have felt all of my hopes and how important it was to me, and ... and I'm sorry for putting that kind of pressure on you-"

I hugged her, and her skinny body went rigid inside of the fluffy bathrobe. "Some tea would be nice," I said.

Pearl relaxed a little, and nodded. "Okay."

She offered me a seat on the couch, and I took it and sat still politely while she came back with two cups and saucers. She offered me the one that she hadn't dropped, and I took it and thanked her.

Pearl shifted around uncomfortably, looking away but stealing quick glances at me while I drank. "I-is it okay if I sit next to you?"

I nodded. She took her seat right beside me, her hips pressed up against mine, and I blushed as I finished my drink and set the dishes on the table.

All I could think was how her trim, athletic thighs were much firmer than mine. And how generous this beautiful, caring, compassionate Gem had been with her body and soul.

I tried to pay attention to what Pearl was saying. She didn't even touch her drink before going on. "As I was saying, I'm terribly sorry for causing this mess.  _Especially_  after you and Peridot worked so hard to get everything ready for  _me._  I've never been good at accepting gifts, and I'm still  _so_  attached to Rose that I carried my issues with her into our relationship."

"Um-"

"It's me, isn't it?" Pearl gave me a pained look, and her voice got shakier as she went on. "I'm the  _last_  Gem you should be fusing with, Lapis. And  _dating._  Someone as badly traumatized as you needs stability in your life, not self-doubt and fear of rejection. You deserve Garnet, or Amethyst ... anyone besides me!" She furrowed her brow. "Well, maybe anyone besides me and Peridot. But still! This is supposed to be a time of  _healing_  for you, and-"

I mumbled it while she was going on like that. Testing how the words felt in my mouth, and how it felt to have said them.

"-and I shouldn't be making you deal with my issues, and ... I'm sorry, Lapis, did you say something?"

I tried again, looking down at my clasped hands. But I still couldn't get the words out.

"Lapis, dear, it's okay ... you can tell me what's bothering you. After all I've done to make your life miserable, you deserve anything I can-"

"I want to have sex with you." My hands were holding each other tight, and my eyes were squeezed shut.

Pearl gasped. When I looked up, she was holding one hand to her mouth, and the one that held her dishes was shaking. The teacup rattled and sloshed.

"Please," I begged her. "I wasn't ready for it when we fused, but I need it so badly right now. And I want it to be with you, Pearl. I'm scared of these feelings because I've never had them before, but I trust you. And if I have to go through this, then I'd like it if you would help me."

I glanced down at Pearl's lap, but then had trouble looking away. I finally looked back up at her face when I heard her sniffle.

"I don't understand ... " A large tear ran down her cheek. "I hurt you so badly, and now ... now you want  _me_  to have sex with-"

"Pearl, it wasn't your fault!" I was getting worried at how much water was pouring out of her face. "I thought I was okay with it. I  _told_  you to fuse with me. I was nervous inside, but I thought it'd be over soon and that I'd get to see you be happy and cute! I didn't realize how badly you wanted it. Or that I'd want it that badly, too, after I fused with you."

Pearl stopped crying, and sniffled loudly. "You think I'm cute?"

"Adorable." I grinned at her.

Pearl started crying hard into her bathrobe's sleeve, and sniffling a lot. I got up and got her a wad of paper towels from the kitchen, and she blew her nose on all of them at once. It took a minute or so for her face to stop leaking, and by then she'd gone through the entire roll. Fortunately, they were wet enough that I could throw them away without touching them.

"Thank you, Lapis." Pearl tried to compose herself, and took a long sip of her tea before looking up. "If you're sure this is what you want ... "

I nodded to her.

" ... then we'd better go do it in my room. Just wait outside for one minute, and I'll get everything ready for you."

* * *

I could still leave, if I wanted to.

I was sitting there next to the door to Pearl's room, hugging my knees and shaking. Pearl's "one minute" had been more like ten minutes now, and the sun had already gone up past the windows.

I could still leave, if I wanted to. But if I did, I'd have to deal with these feelings alone. And I didn't want that.

Where was Steven, anyway? Hadn't he come back, last night? Maybe he was staying over at someone's house. Maybe he hadn't been able to sleep ... maybe Pearl had been crying too much. Maybe it was my fault.

I could still leave, if I wanted to.

The door flashed brightly and opened, and I jumped. "Lapis, dear!" Pearl called out. "I hope you're ready!"

I stood up and went to the door, trying not to shake but unable to stop blushing. Inside, it was completely dark, except for a faint glow on one of the circular platforms. I couldn't hear the waterfalls.

I hesitated, with my hand on the doorframe. If I went in there, I was going to have sex with Pearl. I knew she would let me stop if I needed to. But I also knew that I wouldn't. And the parts I'd shapeshifted knew that as well. They felt taut, like they were as nervous as I was.

I took a step forward.

I was going to have sex with Pearl.

I took another step forward, and the door closed behind me.

"Up here, Lapis!" Pearl stood up where I could see her, and waved to me. Something inside of me jumped, when I saw her, but she wasn't undressed yet. It looked like she was wearing a nightshirt. False alarm.

Resigned to my fate, I flew up to the platform and touched down next to a circular mattress. There were candles floating in the air, spaced evenly around it, and their smoke smelled warm and sweet. When I looked over at Pearl, she was on her knees on the mattress, smiling brightly at me.

It turned me on like you wouldn't believe.

She wasn't even doing anything provocative! Pearl wasn't using her sultry voice, or giving me "bedroom eyes," or wearing a "bathing suit." Or posing like in those sex morps. But this surge of arousal welled up in me, and I blushed harder and squeezed the hem of my dress in my hands. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be feeling this yet, or if I should fight it or not.

Pearl just patted the mattress in front of her, like she was expecting this. "Have a seat!"

I made myself sit still with my legs folded beneath me, like Pearl was doing. I desperately wanted to squirm, but I was following Pearl's lead here. Yesterday had shown me that I had no idea what to do.

"You seem to have the basics down already, including the names of different parts of your anatomy." Pearl inclined her head upwards, like she was proud of me as a student. "The safeword is 'red,' as always. Is there anything you'd like to know before we begin? Feel free to ask any question, no matter how embarrassing."

"What does orgasm feel like?" My hands dug into my sides, I was clinging to myself so hard.

"Is that what you're most looking forward to?" Pearl asked.

"It's what I'm most scared of." I looked down at my knees, blushing so hard that it hurt.

"I think you'll find that it's nothing to be afraid of, Lapis." I saw Pearl put her hand on my knee, and when I looked up she was leaning forward slightly, still giving me the same reassuring smile. "Besides, it takes so little time compared to everything else. Just like a dance, the experience is meaningful in and of itself! It's not just a way to reach orgasm."

"Just tell me what it feels like." My cheeks burned, and my insides felt like they were twisting in anticipation.

Pearl took her hand from my knee, and put a finger to her chin. "It's pleasurable, intense, and involuntary. Once you reach a certain point, it will happen on its own. So you don't need to worry about your performance, Lapis. Just relax, and let me and your body take care of everything." Her smile reappeared.

I wasn't sure if that answered my question. But then, I wasn't sure what I wanted her to tell me. That I'd be okay? That I'd still be myself afterwards?

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and thought of flexibility, love, and trust. "Okay, Pearl. Tell me what to do."

"Well, why don't we start you out with a massage? It will help you to loosen up and relax."

I snorted.

"What's so funny?"

Somehow, I managed a grin. "You're telling me to loosen up."

Now Pearl blushed. "Yes, ha ha, very funny. Lay on your stomach, Lapis."

I complied, pulling one of the pillows to me to rest my chin and arms on. "Should I take off my clothes?" I asked.

"You can if you want to," said Pearl, as she crawled over beside me.

"Okay. Might as well get that over with." I shapeshifted them away, while I was still flat on my stomach. It made me blush again, and I found myself trying to hide my breasts in the pillow without thinking about it.

"Would it make you more comfortable if I removed mine, too?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Alright, then."

Her hands pressed into my shoulders. My insides jumped  _again_  as she did so, but then she started kneading my back, safely away from all of my sensitive parts. "My goodness, Lapis, you're so tense!"

"Guess it's my turn to be on edge," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Don't worry. We'll take you to the edge soon enough ~ "

I buried my burning face in the pillow, and put my arms over my head.

As far as bodily sensations go, this part was ... not bad. I could feel myself start to relax, as she worked her way down my back and then up again. The pressure was soothing, somehow.

"Is it alright if I touch your Gem, Lapis?"

I nodded, dreamily.

Her strokes were light and measured, with just the tips of her fingers. It sent waves of cool water throughout me, and reminded me that my Gem had been hers, before. And that her Gem had been mine.

I sighed in contentment. The burning between my legs had turned into a warm and soft feeling I liked. Maybe this wasn't so bad, after all.

"Would you like me to massage your-"

"No!" I shot up on my arms without thinking. I was trapped!

"I was going to say 'your legs,' Lapis." I couldn't see Pearl's face, but it was probably mortified right now.

"Oh ... " I realized that I was exposing myself, and laid back down to squeeze the pillow to my chest. "O-okay, then."

 _It's okay,_  I told myself, as her hands rubbed and kneaded my calves. I wiggled and popped my toes, and she massaged my feet, too.

 _It's okay,_  I told myself, gritting my teeth as Pearl's hands reached up past my knees. Rubbing and working them firmly, her delicate fingers brushing the insides of my thighs as if by accident at first. Then more and more often, and then she was kneading at them, and-

"Red." The parts of me that were hugging the pillow were shaking.

Pearl stopped, and I could just imagine the look of hurt on her face. But when she spoke, her voice sounded like when she'd been smiling and welcoming for me. "Okay, Lapis. We don't have to do that right now. Is there anyplace else that could use a massage?"

" ... my chest is getting kind of sore." I tried to squirm without exposing myself.

"Would you like me to knead it for you?"

I squeezed the pillow in my hands. But I knew what I wanted from her, so I nodded.

"Alright. Please sit up, Lapis."

I only hesitated a second before doing so, and turning around. To my surprise, she was positively beaming at me, and gave my chest and hips an approving look-over. "Is it okay if I compliment you?"

I blushed, and folded my arms. "Only if you take off your clothes."

"Then I think you are beautiful, Lapis. Your Gem, your body, everything." She stretched her arms over her head and smiled at me, as her nightshirt disappeared.

I took a long glance at Pearl's smooth form, her sensitive parts tinged with blue, before looking away and pulling my knees up a bit. This was starting to make me, well, wet. But she was being so kind, and I wanted her to touch me again.

"Is it okay if I sit behind you, Lapis?"

I nodded, and blushed and pulled my knees up more.

Pearl sat  _right_  behind me, her naked self pressed up to my back. Her legs stuck out to either side, and in a second her practiced hands were on my breasts, kneading them gently and tracing circles on my areolae. It gave me a warm, tingly feeling in them, and I was pretty sure that I liked it.

"You're so soft, Lapis!" Pearl gushed. "It's like feeling a cool, mountain stream."

I winced. "Don't compare me to water."

"Alright, Lapis. But it  _does_  feel like there are currents running through your breasts, when I squeeze them like this ~ "

I shivered. But it wasn't a bad kind of shiver.

"There are," I finally told her, as her thumbs rubbed my nipples and sent more shivers through me. I felt them stiffen beneath her.

"Oh! Well, that would explain it."

"I don't keep my wings inside my Gem," I went on, as one of her hands rubbed my belly and made me feel very warm and relaxed. "They circulate throughout my body. It helps make me tougher."

"You mean, by increasing your density?"

I nodded. "I feel lighter when I have them out."

"Would you like to spread your wings now?"

"No." I shook my head and lay back a little, feeling like I was melting into Pearl as her hands rubbed my belly, my sides, and even my upper legs. "This is fine."

My knees went back down as I stretched my legs, unconsciously spreading them out. I didn't notice that's what I was doing until they bumped into Pearl's legs. Once they did, I knew what was happening, but it didn't feel like I was under attack by my body. It felt like Pearl was helping me relax, and giving me feelings I liked.

And being cute. Stars, she was beautiful. I wanted her to stay pressed to me, and never let go.

"Does this feel good, Lapis?"

I nodded. I was leaning back against her with my eyes closed, as her hands made me feel special and loved without even touching my Gem. I knew what she was going to ask next, and thought maybe ... maybe it'd be okay, for her hands to be down there too. Maybe it wouldn't hurt me.

"Would you like me to help you feel good in between your legs, too?"

I nodded slowly and blushed, keeping my eyes shut and trying to spread my legs more.

"Okay, then." I felt her smile, since her face was pressed up to my neck. "Remember, Lapis. I'm right here, and I won't let anything hurt you."

How did she know that I needed to hear that? I just blushed even harder, and nodded again.

The hand that was rubbing my belly worked its way down, little by little, until her fingers were inside my folds. Kneading them, spreading hot, sticky liquid around, and sending a warm kind of pleasure through me. I tensed up at first, and wanted to squirm away from Pearl's hands. But she had touched me everywhere else, hadn't she? And it'd been very good for me.

Being able to trust Pearl was what made this bearable. I knew that she wouldn't hurt me, and I knew that she wanted me to have this. So what had been scary and unpredictable when I'd been alone felt more like a gift from her, with a surprise that she was preparing me to receive. The only thing I didn't understand, was why hadn't she-

"Would you like me to rub your clit too, Lapis?"

I nodded, and turned my head to give her a desperate look. "Please!"

 _That_  hit the spot. I moaned softly, stretching my arms and back and probably squishing Pearl in the process. But she kept at it, rubbing my breasts with one hand while she pleasured my "sticky parts" with the other.

"Oh ... " I could only stare at the ceiling, and try to squirm and thrust myself at Pearl's fingers. "Oh, that feels nice."

"I'm glad you like it." This time I turned around to see Pearl's smile, and grinned back at her nervously.

"It's  _beautiful._  Just like you, Pearl." I settled into a rhythm with her hand, and started rubbing and squeezing her legs.

"Why, thank you!"

"You are absolutely the best P-eeep!" She gave my clitoris a long, firm rub as I tried to say that, making me blush hard and almost forget what I was trying to say.

"I'm what?"

"You're the b-eeeep!" I tried to squirm away from her fingers, but only pressed into them harder. "Pearl!"

"Yes, dear?" I turned, and saw she was grinning at me.  _Now_  she had bedroom eyes.

I could only stare and blush, and say "Do that again."

I gripped the bedsheets with both hands, as Pearl gave me the most intense pleasure I'd ever had in my life. It felt like I couldn't escape, from how slinky and hot she was and from what she was making me feel. But I didn't  _want_  to escape. I didn't even want to finish. I just wanted to stay here forever.

I knew that the feelings my body was giving me were affecting me, and what I wanted. I decided that I was okay with that, and with being spoiled like this. Just as long as I got to stay here with Pearl.

There was just one thing I still wanted. "Can you lay on top of me?" I managed to get out.

Pearl grinned. "Can't get enough of me, can you?" There was her sultry voice.

I just shook my head, blushing too hard to even speak. She had me right where she wanted, and all I could think was how much I needed her.

She lifted her leg clear over my head, then spun around and climbed onto me, her hand not leaving my folds the entire time. This was the lithe Pearl who had danced for me, and she was laying on top of me now and was everything I could see and feel, and everything that I needed.

A surge of fear and cold water washed over me, as I realized this was really happening. Was it too much? But then her fingers sent a  _delicious_  wave of love through me, and I could only stare at the ceiling and shudder.

_I love her._

Another wave picked me up, and I held onto Pearl in order to ride it. Hugging her tightly and squirming.

_I deserve this._

Where had that come from? But then I was riding another wave of bliss, and I guessed that  _Pearl_  thought I deserved it if she was doing this to me.

"Oh, Pearl ... "

"Yes, dear?" I realized I'd said that out loud.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clung to her. "Don't stop," I whispered.

"I won't," she said, and kissed my cheek as another wave blasted away what was left of my self-control. I started pressing into her as hard as I could, trying to make them last.

 _"Please_  don't stop," I went on incoherently.  _"Please._  Oh yes, Pearl, I need that so much,  _yes_  I need that,  _please let me have it ... "_

"I do believe it's almost time," she said with a smile, and I realized what we were both talking about.

I just nodded and clung to her hard. It wasn't stopping. I didn't  _want_  it to stop, but why did it have to go on for so long?! There was nothing left of me but the parts that craved Pearl, that craved this feeling, and  _I didn't care._

I trusted Pearl, and I loved her. In all kinds of ways.

Then I felt something deep inside me tense up. "Oh, no."

"Is something wrong, Lapis?" Pearl stopped rubbing me.

"Don't stop!" I practically screamed at her. "Don't make me go through this alo- oh.  _Oh._  OhhhhHHH MY STARS YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH, YES  _PLEASE_  PEARL! AAAAHHHHH!"

... it took longer than I'd thought it would.

I flopped back down on the bed from where I'd been curled up and clinging to Pearl. I was drenched in watery sweat, my mind blown and my body wet and exhausted. But I felt deeply satisfied, too.

"Well?" Pearl asked, propping her elbow up next to me.

"Well, what?" I gave her a delirious smile, and tried my best to make it look innocent.

"Did my owner have fun?" she asked, and smiled slyly back down at me.

Somehow, this was almost as embarrassing as the act itself. "More than I expected!" I said, looking up at her face, and tried to shrink into the mattress.

"How  _much_  more?" Pearl asked, still smiling and leaning in close.

I took her head in both arms and put my mouth over her Gem, sliding my tongue around it, trying to fit the whole thing inside and failing and trying again. It was so smooth, so warm, so  _Pearl._  And when I pulled back, I saw she was blushing.

"That much," I said, and kissed her cheek.

"W-well!" Pearl was blushing so hard, she could barely look up at me. "I'll have to take your word for it, then."

"No, you won't."

"Hmm?" But then Pearl looked up, and saw the tentacles coming up out of the water beneath our platform.

I wiggled the fingers on one of my hands, and grinned evilly at Pearl. "Your turn."

She was even louder than I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis' fear of her own body, and her desperate attempts to fight it, are based on personal experience. My parents of origin terrorized me, made me afraid of even harmless sexual exploration, and would go so far as to stand silently outside of the bathroom when I used it at night, glaring at the door. Just so I'd get a jumpscare when I opened it.
> 
> This fear was so deeply ingrained in me that I now have trouble enjoying sex at all, even when it is consensual and with a person I love. Because of that, writing this story was as difficult for me as it was for Lapis. I think we both needed it, though, and I think it helped. I hope that reading it helped someone as well.
> 
> Finally, the sex scene itself was inspired by the one in Mirari's route, in a free 18+ visual novel called Cute Demon Crashers. It helped me see that such things can be caring, innocent fun, and not scary and dirty like I thought they were. You can download it [on Itch.io.](https://sugarscript.itch.io/cute-demon-crashers)
> 
> Thank you for reading A Pearl Of My Own. If you liked this story, stay tuned for the next two-part episode.


End file.
